Red Flags in Dating that You Cannot Overlook

November 30, 2019

Have you ever noticed that the thing that ends up being the issues that ends a relationship, was there from the beginning? In today’s video, I’m sharing six red flags in dating a man that you cannot overlook because I hear women talking about dating deal-breakers and red flags all the time, and I wanted to just cover six of the red flags that are deal-breakers that really need to be treated as red stop lights where you don’t go any further. 

Red Flag in Dating No. 1: A Quick & Constant Temper

This isn’t to say that someone can never get frazzled,  never get mad, or that someone who does occasionally get upset about things is definitely a problem. What I’m saying is that if you’re getting to know someone and every time you see him, he loses his temper about something, that’s a red flag. You are seeing a part of this person’s character. You’re seeing a regular part of how he interacts with the world. This is an early warning sign that you have to heed. 

Red Flag in Dating No. 2: Someone Who is Inconsistent with His Word or Doesn’t Follow Through

This is a really big one that I feel like a lot of women are willing to overlook, but you have to think about it like this: one of the cornerstones of a loving relationship, one of the only ways you’re going to have a successful partnership, is if there is trust between you and the other person. Someone who doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do over and over again, there’s no way of building trust with someone.

 This needs to be something that stays at the top of your mind when you’re vetting someone while dating. 

  • Does he do what he says he’s going to do? 
  • Does he follow through with his word? 
  • Is it the norm for him to do what he says, and it’s only occasional that he can’t follow through or he doesn’t show up? 
  • Or is that sort of something you’re dealing with regularly? 

Red Flag No. 3: He Says Anything Along the Lines of “I don’t want a relationship,” “I’m not over my ex,” or “I’m just looking for something casual.”

There are many times where you wanna give a man’s actions more weight than his words. 

This is not one of those times. If a man is saying to you, “I don’t wanna be in a relationship,” what he’s really saying is not that he’s never going to be in a relationship. And that’s what women sometimes interpret it as. “He’s not ready for a relationship right now, so maybe if I stick it out, he will be ready, and then I’ll be the one he chooses.”

No, he’s saying that he’s not ready for a relationship right now with you. And even if he’s ready for a relationship in the future, it’s probably still not going to be with you. 

Don’t wait around for a man who says he doesn’t want a relationship. If he says that he just wants something casual, take him at his word. 

See Related Podcast Episode: Waiting for Unavailable Men

Now, is it possible that someone ever changes their mind? Yeah, it happens, so I don’t want people writing in to me being like, “Oh, our relationship started out “and he said he didn’t want to be with me.” 

Don’t use that as something to go after. Don’t look to be the exception. Follow the rule so that you can more easily call in the relationship you want. 

Yeah, it’s possible that you stick it out long enough and you finagle your way in somehow, but why would you want that?

 There is a man out there who’s gonna value you and cherish you and see you for all of the glorious being that you are, so don’t settle for less than that by trying to manipulate your way in with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you. 

See Related Podcast Episode: Alignment Between Words & Actions

Red Flag No. 4: All of His Ex’s Are “Crazy”

The fourth red flag that you wanna look out for is if his exes are all crazy, if every time you’re talking to him about someone from his past, he’s saying, “Oh, she’s crazy, she’s crazy, this crazy thing my ex did.” 

If all of his exes are crazy, you have to remember that first of all, he’s attracting all these crazy women, so when you guys break up, you’re gonna be another one of those crazy women. 

The other thing you have to keep in mind is that there’s never one side to a story. There’s multiple sides. So if all these women are going crazy, there’s a good chance that he’s doing something to make them all crazy, and in a couple of months where things start to cool off between you, you’ll be the next one that he’s making crazy. 

The other big problem with this is that when someone is putting all of their breakups on their ex, that’s someone who has a low level of awareness and someone who’s very much willing to abdicate responsibility in their relationship. 

That is the guy that you’re gonna be with who’s saying, “Well, that’s not my fault. “I can’t control how you feel. “I can’t do this or that.” 

Now, there is some truth about him not being able to control how you feel. We’re always responsible for our own feelings.

However, everyone’s behaviors are going to have consequences, logical consequences that will follow, and if you are with someone who’s never willing to accept the consequences of his actions, it’s a really, really bad sign, and it’s something that’s gonna continue. That shows a pattern of behavior. It’s gonna lead to misery for you. 

Red Flag No. 5: Someone Coming on Hard & Fast

Now, sometimes this is referred to as love bombing. That’s what they call it when a narcissist is trying to attract someone new. It’s called love bombing in that situation. Not everyone who does this is a narcissist, though. In that case, I refer to it as a microwave man. They heat up really fast, and they cool off fast. 

There are circumstances where two people will meet and they’re just very aligned and it will work out well for them.

So I’m not saying that you have to dismiss a relationship just because he’s coming on hard and fast, but I am saying keep both feet on the floor. You don’t wanna be in a place where you’re so desperate for love and attention that you’re just overlooking the fact that yeah, he’s giving you lots of affection and it feels really good, but also he’s doing other things that aren’t good or he’s saying things that don’t make you feel good. 

Often, red flags are present from the beginning of the relationship, so you have to keep your eyes open. If someone is coming on really, really hard and telling you how amazing you are and that they can see a future with you, you have to understand that this is just an image that he’s creating of you. He doesn’t really know you yet, just like you don’t know him yet, so don’t put too much stock into it. 

Don’t give into the good feelings from the compliments or from the gifts or from the time and attention. You don’t wanna be so desperate for love that you’re just overlooking things that could be a really big problem. 

See Related Podcast Episode: Reasons Why He’s Great at the Beginning and Then Turns into a Jerk

Red Flag No. 6: Someone Who is Overly Charming and Rehearsed

The sixth red flag that I want you to be aware of is someone who is overly charming, someone who never missteps, who never says the wrong thing, who could charm the socks off of a tree. You wanna stay really, really present to something like that. 

When someone is overly charming, it draws us in, obviously, because it’s fun being around someone who’s gregarious and fun and makes jokes and has a lot to say. But often, someone who is extremely charming like that, the reason they’re so charming is because they’re spending a lot of their time and energy cultivating a persona. They want to be perceived in a particular way, and so they’re putting all of their time and energy and effort into making sure that they come across as the most charming, lovable, amazing person ever. 

Now, when someone is like this, though, that means they’re gonna have a lower level of energy to devote to another person, and obviously, if we’re talking about this on a spectrum, on the one side of the spectrum, you have someone who are a narcissist, who have this persona and they have no empathy. But even without someone actually being a narcissist, they can have this high level of charm where they’re focused on their own personality and they don’t have sensitivity to you or to any other people for that matter. That’s not someone you’re gonna be able to create a successful, happy, healthy, loving, committed relationship with. 

Red flags that you’re looking out for is part of dating as a high-value woman. That’s a part of my overall 6-Step Magnetism Formula so that you can manifest love fast, but if you’d like to have the complete formula which, of course, I recommend, take my free masterclass. 

masterclass registration to manifest love and avoid red flags in dating

In this masterclass, I walk through all six parts of the Magnetism Formula. It’s extremely valuable. I’m also sharing some of the common pitfalls as well as the steps you can take to actually implement that in your life. So sign up for the free masterclass so you get the whole formula.

Relevant Video: How I Manifested My Husband in Less than a Year

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