June 20, 2019
I had the opportunity to coach an amazing woman named Sarah for this week’s episode of Rise in Love. Sarah is probably like many of you in that she falls in love fast and she considers herself a woman who loves deeply and hard. But, of course, this creates challenges when her feelings aren’t met by the other person as we discussed in today’s episode.
If this episode resonates with you, and you’re interested in the opportunity to get 1:1 coaching from me, go ahead and apply to work with me.
There’s one person in particular who she finds that she keeps returning to emotionally and it’s hard to let go. She felt that they connected really well and their values are aligned in a lot of ways, but he’s not coming towards her.
They met last summer and began dating. Right from the beginning Sarah felt there was a really great connection between them. They had been going on dates and talking daily for about a month when one night he just stopped responding to her texts sort of mid-conversation. The next day she felt confused and started to panic a little because they’d been speaking every single day. The following day she called him and he didn’t answer. She had no idea what happened to him, there was no clarity and she had no way of understanding what happened to him. Afterwards she was left in a state of confusion feeling both betrayed and abandoned when he ghosted.
Even though it’s been close to a year, and she feels that she’s in a much better place than a year ago, she’s still missing him. He’s the one that she wants to talk to.
She has a happy, full life and she hoped that creating a life she loved would help her move on, but the feelings are still there and she’s frustrated.
In your mind, you want answers because it feels so painful. Our mind likes to close loops. It just doesn’t feel good to have these open gaps in our mind and understanding of a situation so we’re trying to find a way to close that loop. The problem is that the pain of heartbreak is so painful and dramatic. We look for an explanation that seems as dramatic as the pain we feel. We’re hesitant to accept a “simple” explanation like, “I just don’t feel the way I’d like to feel in a relationship.” We want something more. That doesn’t make sense and so we continue searching for answers. It’s like our minds are sending us on a wild goose chase of sorts.
Listen to the episode to get the full story and hear how I coached Sarah through it. You’ll hear how I helped her move through some of her feelings as she went back to the first time she experienced the sensations of this same situation and how she coped with it then and how it’s showing up in her life now.
Scroll up to the top to listen to the full episode.
Sarah has the desire to connect with something else, but she’s having a hard time really getting behind it and believing it because it hasn’t happened yet. But this is the real work of manifesting love — shoring up that belief.
(Recommended Additional Listening: Introduction to Manifesting Love, Faith & Belief About Love)
Sarah really struggled because she felt such an immense chemistry with this person. She didn’t necessarily think of it as chemistry because it wasn’t the physical aspect that was so powerful, it was really the level of connection. The ability to laugh together, to have deep conversations, to just flow. But that is chemistry. Chemistry is not just about sexual physical attraction. It goes way beyond and deeper than that for women. So much so that it allows us to overlook contradictions that we wouldn’t in other circumstances.
Sarah broke down some of the things that made her so drawn to him, but they were in opposition to her experience with him.
Sarah feels that it’s hard for her to let go of the relationship because although he’s no longer pursuing a relationship, at the time he was. Her primary love language is words of affirmation and the way that he affirmed her when they were together was really impactful to her. She believed his words so strongly, and when his actions stopped lining up with the beautiful words he’d said, it felt like a shock to her system.
(Recommended Additional Listening: Introduction to Love Languages)
Words of affirmation is Sarah’s primary love language. And I get that, because it’s mine too! But for all the women who put a lot of value in words, it’s important to learn how to temper how much weight you give those words. Sometimes men are just speaking what they’re feeling in the moment, and it doesn’t mean much more to them, but we’re taking them quite literally.
Alison Armstrong calls it photoshopping. Where he’s sort of imagining you in different scenarios – like he’s photoshopping you into parts of his life to see if you fit. They do this sort of unconsciously, often enough, and sometimes they may not even realize they’re doing it, but they often do it out loud. We think that he means it very sincerely, and it’s not that he’s insincere, it’s just what he’s thinking in the moment.
When this guy ghosted on Sarah it left her feeling confused and it felt very dramatic because of the amount of closeness that they had developed. It wasn’t something she really knew how to cope with it. It ties directly back into something she went through in an earlier part of her life. Listen to the episode to hear how I coached her through it and gave her a way of self-soothing.
How do men react when you feel a strong connection right away? Why does it seem like it’s so rare that you meet people you connect with? How can you connect with people more? Why is it so hard to get closure? Plus I led Sarah through a meditation that you’re definitely going to want to tune in for and do along with Sarah to call in the energy of the relationship you want.
Sarah experienced massive shifts from our 1:1 call, imagine what working with me individually over an extended period of time could do for you? If you’re serious about calling in love, apply to work with me 1:1.
Let’s connect! Here’s where you can find me: www.crystalirom.com