I’m Not Used to Being Treated Well By Men. It Feels…Weird.

August 16, 2021

iTunes | Spotify

In this week’s episode Crystal dives into the three things you can do if you start feeling resistance when you start attracting people who treat you WELL.

Note: Below is a transcript of the podcast, edited for readability. This content was intended for audio and may contain errors.

Crystal Irom

Hi, guys. It is Crystal here. I am doing another episode from the car because I am on the way to Kobi’s best friend’s engagement party, but someone asked a really great question and I wanted to address it.

The question was, “I’m dating someone. He’s amazing. He’s treating me really well, but I can feel myself resisting. I’m not used to being treated this well. It just feels weird.” She mentioned that she was used to dating guys who were a little bit more narcissistic and controlling, and so she just didn’t really know how to deal with the resistance that was coming up.

The first thing I want to say is, be really gentle with yourself. That is very normal. It’s like anything else that you are not used to, you’re not used to. It takes a little bit of time to adjust, but I think having the awareness that you’re feeling resistance to something that’s good is a positive thing. Having awareness is always a good starting point, so bravo for even realizing that that’s what’s happening.

Do a Gut Check.

Here’s how I would approach this. The first thing you’re going to want to do is do a real gut check. What is it that’s making you think this is? Is it just that “I’m really not used to it” or does something feel a little bit off and you’re really wanting it to work? Is there a part of you where you’re like, “This is so much better, but something doesn’t quite smell right? Something doesn’t quite feel right.” Do a check with your intuition and with your gut.

What’s really going on? Is it really just that it’s fear coming up? If so, it’s totally fine and normal if it is. Or is there something that you’re trying to avoid seeing maybe? Maybe there’s a red flag that you’re trying to overlook because it’s not as big as some of the red flags as you’ve seen in the past. That’s the first thing to do.

Look at Your Beliefs

If you do your gut check and you realize that no, there’s nothing coming from this person that would indicate that he’s not a trustworthy person, or he’s not who he says he is, or he’s not who he’s showing himself to be, then you get to look at your beliefs. The original person who asked this question said, “Is this an issue of not being worthy?” It definitely could be that, but there’s a bunch of other things it could be as well. You have to look and see for yourself, what does this feel like to you?

The way that you approach this is by thinking. When you think about being with this person and you feel that resistance coming up, what does it want to say? What does it feel like? Does it feel like it’s too good to be true? Or, I didn’t really deserve to be treated this way? Or, are you waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or, he can’t possibly be the person that he says he is? What comes up for you? What is the belief that you’re telling yourself that’s making you feel this resistance or making you feel like it’s not something that’s going to last? So take some time and look, what is the belief for you? What are you thinking?

I dealt with this. This is a really, really common thing. You’re definitely not alone. When I first got together with my husband, I definitely had this all the time. He was just so sweet and loving and consistent, and I really wasn’t used to it. He’s right here, and he’s smiling at the compliments, but it’s true. It felt really weird. I was just like I almost wanted him to be a jerk.

I was like, “How come you always call when you say you’re going to call? Stop being there all the time” because it’s like, it feels weird. It does feel like I don’t understand how this is happening? How can this actually be? But really that’s what you want. That’s how it should be that someone is showing up for you consistently and doing what they say they’re going to do and just being a good person.

I’m getting sidetracked, but the point was, look at your beliefs. What are the beliefs that are coming up for you? Like that this can’t last, and then go through the process that I’ve laid out before. You start by asking yourself, let’s say the belief is like, “I’m not deserving of a relationship this good.” Or “I’m not worthy of a relationship this good.” You are worthy of love because you are. You deserve love because you do. You get to have a great relationship because it’s a desire of your heart, and it’s like it’s something that you’re aware of and something that you can create for yourself. That’s the bottom line. You get to have love because you do.

There’s no such thing as you’re not worthy of love or you’re not deserving of love. It’s love, it’s not something you have to deserve. You just deserve it because you’re a human being who has love to give and wants to receive love. That’s the bottom line, but I get that sometimes it doesn’t feel that straightforward.

Here’s how you walk through that “I’m not deserving of a relationship this good.” The first thing you’re going to ask is “Is that really true?”. It’s just a yes or a no question. Is that really true? Well, no, that’s not really true. How do I feel when I think that? When I think I am not worthy and deserving of love, I feel sad. It feels like tension in my chest. It feels like it just doesn’t feel good. It’s like, you know that you are not thinking a thought that serves you if it doesn’t feel good, and that’s the thing. Our thoughts are just in our minds. Just because we’re thinking them does not mean that they’re true, and I believe it’s just a thought that you’ve thought a lot.

Again, just because it’s something you believe does not mean that it’s true. How does it make you feel? If it doesn’t make you feel good, then you know that it’s really not true. Even if you struggled with determining that that was not true, that’s another indication that it definitely wasn’t.

The next question that you might ask would be like, “Is there any reason that I would not want to believe that?” Yeah. There’s a lot of reasons I might not want to believe that. It doesn’t really help me. It doesn’t get me closer to what I want. It doesn’t feel good, and it just doesn’t support me in what I want to create in this world.

The final question, and this is sort of the big one, is how would I be different? How would my world be different? How would I feel differently if that thought could not exist in my world? The way that I like to do it is I like to imagine that I live in a little snow globe, basically. That’s my whole world, and then I see the thought going outside of it, and then the thought can’t come back in.

How would my world be different without that thought? I would close my eyes and just breathe into it and then think, how does that feel? For me, that would feel a lot lighter. It feels a lot easier and a lot more freeing. It feels much more expansive in my chest. The tightness that I was feeling, is just gone. It just feels like, just feels freer.

That’s one way that you might approach it. It’s just going through all of the beliefs. All of the beliefs that are coming up around why this relationship can’t work with this person who’s treating you really well, and who seems like they’re really fitting everything you want, go through all of those beliefs. Does that make sense?

Stay In Your Desired Energy

I have one final little tip for you guys. Those are sort of the first things you would do is start with the gut check, go through all the beliefs, and then the third thing that you might do is stay in the energy of what you desire. I have talked before about getting really clear on what you want without attaching it to any particular person.

Hopefully, you got clear on what you desired even before you started getting into these relationships. It’s like, instead of deciding I’ve met this person, he’s really great, I have now created everything that I asked for. Don’t attach it to him, just stay aligned with the energy of what you want.

The way that you might do this would be, go back to the list that you created and really feel into it, feel into the energy of it. If you are with a person who fits all of the things that you have said are what you really desire, what does that feel like for you? Then use that as a way of seeing, does that match up with who this person is?

What happens is that we’ll know what we want, and then we meet someone and we’re like, “Oh my God, this is it. He’s so amazing. I know that this is it,” and then it doesn’t work out and we’re devastated. We feel like, “Okay, I was wrong, but also I feel like I wasn’t wrong and that person was it” and we don’t want to let go of the fact that it didn’t work out with this person.

Obviously, they’re not your person. Your person is going to want to be with you, and your personal is also going to treat you well. Right? Don’t attach it to anyone too soon. I think that that can take some of the pressure off, because when we feel like, “Oh, this is it,” it just can feel a little bit daunting, heavy, and scary.

Just stay aligned with what you really want with everything that you decided that you wanted, everything that you said you wanted, without attaching it to any particular person, and then allow the relationship to unfold organically.

Once you get a little bit deeper into the relationship, a lot of times that resistance will just start to dissipate more on its own as you can get more comfortable with the truth. Which is, that you can have someone who’s really wonderful and who treats you well consistently, not just for a short period of time, or not only in the beginning, or who doesn’t have this other weird dark side.

Of course, that does happen as well. It’s like it’s worth staying aware, and that’s why the first thing that you need to do is to do the gut check and not just assume that a hundred percent he is perfect, and you’re wrong. It totally could be that there is something off.

Thanks for listening. Check out the show notes and be sure to tune in next time to the Rise In Love Podcast.

In the meantime, make sure to check out some other episodes like How to Manifest What You Want FASTER

 

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