April 11, 2019
A nice guy isn’t the same as a good man…you need to know the difference.
When I first realized that I had a pattern of being attracted to and attracting men that were emotionally unavailable (to me) I tried to reverse the pattern. I thought, maybe I’ll just stop dating jerks and I’ll go out with really nice guys instead and that’ll be that.
So I did.
I went out with self-proclaimed nice guys and I didn’t feel anything. I mean, not that I didn’t feel anything. More like, I didn’t feel anything good. Being with a nice guy did not create some seismic shift in my universe where I all of a sudden recognized the error of my ways and resolved to never date a jerk again because I realized I deserved to be treated nicely and I’d be treated nicely by nice guys.
It was almost the opposite. Being with nice guys didn’t make me want nice guys — it turned me off from nice guys and made me want jerks and I started to think there was something seriously wrong with me.
I mean there was something wrong with wanting the jerks. But it actually made sense that I didn’t like the nice guys…
A nice guy isn’t the same as a good man and although we can often feel this intuitively, it can be hard to put your finger on and actually *get* conceptually. Turns out, nice guys are jerks with suppressed anger, less charm, and better manners (at first).
A nice guy is a man who’s deep in his victimhood. He’s entitled and frustrated that the chips haven’t fallen in his favor as much as he thinks they should have. He covers up that there’s seething anger a quarter of an inch below the surface niceness, but you can feel the anger and desperation lurking beneath.
The energy is palpable but his Nice Guy Act creates confusion: you meet him and he’s “such a nice guy” it feels like you *should* give him more of a chance. And it’s not just that you’re not attracted to him (although you’re not) it’s that you don’t feel at ease.
Something is off and you try to push that feeling down as he tells you what a nice guy he is right before he dives into a soliloquy about how nice guy really *do* finish last and he’s so sick and tired of women passing him by for jerks and you see the steam starting to come out of his ears as he recounts all the ways and times he’s been hurt by women.
Women do pass up nice guys for jerks, but you should move on past both of those options.
What you really need is a good man, but you have to understand how to spot one first.
You’ll learn that and so much more if you join my Marriage-Mind — a 3-Month Intensive to Re-Wire Your Mind to Easily Manifest the Love of Your Life. (You can PM me now to apply.)
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