I loved Sex and the City. Still do.

But…

Big would never have married Carrie.
Carrie had a totally messed up conception of love.
It was inevitable that Carrie would be dissatisfied in a marriage with Big (even though he would have never married her.)

Carrie wanted Big based on her instincts.
He was handsome (sexual attraction drives us to make babies. Instinct)
Rich (the more resources a man has, the better a provider he will be. Instinct)
And scarce (scarcity raises something’s perceived value. Instinct)

His non-committal, half-in-half out, treatment and attitude towards Carrie throughout their relationship gave a clear indication of his feelings for her. But she wanted to overlook it because she “loved him.”

Of the relationships Carrie had on the show, Aiden was Carrie’s only chance for a long-term, committed, loving relationship with a man who would cherish her, support her, protect her, provide for her, and show up for her over and over again.

Aiden wasn’t a safe bet. (Although why wouldn’t you want to marry someone you could bet on? Now that I think of it, I have a problem with that term, but that’s for another post)
Aiden wasn’t boring.
Aiden was a good man. He was stable. He was kind. He was trustworthy.

He was also handsome, big, strong, and wealthy, but because of his stability, consistency, interest, and attunement, Carrie didn’t feel as much “chemistry.”
And Aiden deserved better than Carrie, who proved herself untrustworthy from the start.

Big was a bad boy.
But he wasn’t afraid of commitment. He met Natasha, who was a game-changer for him, and he had no problem committing to her.
And then he cheated on her. Because he follows his instincts. And wasn’t a committed & loyal husband.

Carrie felt ALL the chemistry with Big because he made himself scarce. He was just out of reach for her. The push-pull of their relationship worked like any addiction. She’d get a hit. Then it was gone. She wanted more. And she called it “love.”

Long-term committed relationships and marriages as we desire them to be now, are not instinctual. They’re based on the desire for closeness, connection, intimacy, someone to share our lives with, and more. That’s beyond instinct. It points to the more evolved, elevated, spiritual part of humans. But when we rely so heavily on our instincts to create something more evolved and spiritual than our instincts call for…
…well, doesn’t always work.

One of the most important qualities in a committed relationship is trust. Should be obvious, right?
That’s one thing that was always obviously lacking between Carrie and Big. And for good reason.

Carrie definitely should have applied to work with me.

Coaching with me wasn’t available to her, but it’s available to you.